does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
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a search helicopter?!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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