he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
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We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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