i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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