So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
