I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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