Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
