I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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