you guys were way drunker than both of me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
