dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
