you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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