i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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