you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
