Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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