What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
