Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
