i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
