This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
