tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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