WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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