laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
