I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
