last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
