R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
