we have pet lesbian snakes
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
