I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
