you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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