was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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