i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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