First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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