So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
