Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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