At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
is wine microwaveable?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
