Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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