look no pants
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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