I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Sober January is a disaster.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
