Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
