I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
