This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
