So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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