I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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