I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
