WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize