Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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