Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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