I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
