I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
