i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
