i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
