im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
