Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
