I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
