she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
