dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
