4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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