I'm eating all of the evidence.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
