8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
