Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
