all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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