It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
