I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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